Unsolicited Dick Pics IN PDX

So let’s just address the elephant—or rather, the worm—in the room: unsolicited dick pics. Still happening. Still gross. Still not the flex men think it is. And yet, here we are in 2025, minding our own business, checking our phones, and boom—traumatized. WHY IS EVERY MAN TRYING TO THROW A DICK PIC OUT THERE LIKE A PARTY FAVOR?!!!

I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that men actually think this works as a flirt strategy, or the fact that they’re doing it with confidence. Like, sir… where did you get this idea? Is there a TED Talk I missed? “The Power of the Unsolicited Genital JPEG”? Because no woman in history has ever said, “Wow, thank you so much for sending me that unsolicited crotch shot. Now I feel safe, respected, and deeply attracted to you.”

Why it’s a problem (besides the obvious):

• It’s a violation. Let’s call it what it is—digital flashing. You wouldn’t whip it out at Pioneer Courthouse Square (I mean, I hope not), so why do you think sending it through Instagram DMs is okay?
• Consent is everything. If we didn’t ask for it, don’t send it. Period. End of discussion.
• It’s lazy. That’s your opener? That’s your big move? You couldn’t even come up with a joke, a clever line, a Spotify playlist swap?

And can we talk about the setting? Because it’s always at the worst possible time. I’m in the middle of grocery shopping at New Seasons, trying to decide between oat milk and almond milk, and ding—there it is. Ruined my whole oat milk vibe.

So what do we do?

• Block, delete, and move on. Honestly, it’s not worth your energy.
• Laugh about it. Half the time, the audacity is so outrageous it belongs in the group chat for comic relief.
• Remember it’s about them, not you. It’s not your fault, it’s not your responsibility to educate, and it definitely doesn’t define you.

Here’s the bottom line: unsolicited pics are not sexy, not welcome, and not clever. They’re harassment, wrapped in poor judgment, sprinkled with delusion.

So to the men of Portland (and beyond): stop. Just stop. You want attention? Try being funny, kind, or actually respectful. Spoiler alert: those things work way better than pixelated penis photography.

And to my fellow single ladies: if you’ve gotten one of these digital disasters, know this—you’re not alone. We’ve all opened a message we wish we hadn’t. And the best revenge? Living your best life, blocking with confidence, and never letting some random man’s poor lighting ruin your day. Now solicited? Enjoy.

Because unsolicited dick pics? Still not the vibe. Not in 2025. Not ever.